About Me for VRChat

About Me For VRChat

//I'm adding this here because I think it would be an interesting or beneficial thing to add to my blog. 

I had this request for a long time and not a lot of people know much about me so I decided I will take the time to describe who I am irl and I guess all the important or interesting things about me. I will also talk a little about the character I play in VRChat. This could seem comprehensive and time consuming to read, but if you’re interested it might provide a lot of insight on who I am and what I’m like irl.  I’m aware it could maybe alter how others see me but I would rather be honest and authentic. 

To start, I was born in California and moved to Houston, Texas at a very young age.  During my middle school years, I lived in two countries; America and Brazil. I have dual citizenship so I go back and forth between countries. I guess it makes me unique in a way as I was introduced to a variety of different cultures at a young age; including Japanese. Because there is a fascination in western society with Japanese culture, where I lived in Brazil had a wide concentration of Japanese people. For those who aren’t aware, some areas in Brazil have a large Japanese population, especially around Sao Paulo. I will also like to add that Brazil is the second country with the greatest number of Japanese outside of Japan. Having lived around Japanese people, I learned a lot about Asian culture and etiquette (I found it very strict but also very fascinating and mysterious). Moreover, on my father side, I am Polish-Lithuanian-Russian and much of my family primarily speaks in Polish and English. Therefore, being raised with a steaming hot mess of a variation of cultures and having traveled a lot, I guess it has contributed in making me a unique individual. Sometimes I think this makes me an awkward person too (socially awkward). It’s hard to relate when nobody has a life like yours. Nevertheless, if you ever want to hear more about my crazy adventures in Brazil, come visit me in VRChat. I have a lot of very interesting stories I can go all day talking about. By interacting with me you would think I’m an American only. However, I speak four languages and I’m constantly trying to improve. I speak English and Portuguese fluently and Spanish and Japanese (I’m about an N2 in Japanese if you are familiar with that system). I also have no accent when speaking other languages. This means I can imitate a fluent speaker and get away with it. 

Moving on, I feel the critical need to address that I am an introvert even though I try to balance myself by being more ambivert. Because I’m an introvert, I often enjoy doing things in solidarity. I don’t let my introverted nature get the best of me as I am always open to new experiences. Since I’m always asked, I also want to say that because in the western world there is a seemingly large narrative of being an alpha or beta, I want to say that I’m more of a zeta which means I don’t conform to being neither alpha nor beta. Although it might get someone to perceive a certain kind a personality, I think the idea isn’t really useful nor does it accurately describe me. I just enjoy being me, doing things I have interest in, and doing what I can to get the results I need or to get a job done. 

Unfortunately, I have almost spent my entire life in school. Even now at the age of thirty I find myself still working to get a degree where a lot of my friends overseas have good or decent positions in their careers. Sadly I still live with parents because it’s the cheapest way to survive and go to school. Because of inflation and seemingly high cost of living in the US (perhaps just for our generation), I found living on my own, going to school, and trying to work a job is seemingly impossible. I guess I’m the typical boomerang millennial, but I’ll keep my chin above water and hope that I succeed by getting a bachelor degree hoping it’ll take me somewhere. Nevertheless, in order to live with parents I have to negotiate or help them by working on houses, doing choirs, and anything else they need help with. Unluckily, this means I have to plan things so time for me is a painfully valuable resource. Moreover, I already have an associate’s degree in game design from a community college, but despite my efforts it still didn’t lend me a job anywhere. I think this was a big factor in the depression or anxiety I felt around the period when I graduated. It lingers here and then but I guess it’s like that for  a lot of people now-a-days around my age group. Before I entered college I wanted to be a film director, animator, or game designer. As time went on after I entered college, I shifted to wanting to become a psychologist and an entrepreneur but then returned with my passion in game design. I’ve been working to become a game designer ever since I was young but it got serious after I played Halo2 around 2004. I made game design documents and even lego and cardboard box models and environments. My first experience modding a game was when I was young. I got game maker around 1998 as a child and modified the code extensively to get a dumb UFO game to have all sort of weird weaponry. Although I do game art today and my degrees label me as an artist, I define myself as a general game designer. I enjoy brainstorming original ideas, designing concepts, writing treatments and scripts, drawing storyboards, and making fully detailed game design documents. I have a large stack of game design documents stored away for a day when I will be able to turn them into actual games. I have around 27 to 30 of them. I had the idea that perhaps I might use them in making my own game company. Nevertheless, living in Houston, there isn’t much demand for that kind of business, so I’d have to relocate to find a job in the industry. Very quickly I would want to say my level of experience in game art is somewhat advanced. I think it would place me at a junior to senior level. I’ve been working with software packages like 3dsmax and the adobe suits since 2007-2008. Nevertheless, while I was attending a community college in Houston, there were only two major game companies which are Six Foot Studio and Timegate. Knowing people at Timegate from IGDC, from being an open beta tester on Section 8, and having developers visit our community college, I thought I was going to find myself working at TimeGate. I thought I was going to work on the Fear or Section 8 franchise. However, in 2012-13 they went bankrupt. It was a time period where a lot of game companies went under. It’s my belief the early 2000s was the golden era of game development in the US. I wish somehow I could have been a part of it. Looking at the industry now compared to then, I’m not absolutely sure I want to be in the industry. Even after six years ago, the industry has gone through so much rapid and extreme changes. An example of the risk is that Six Foot studio recently laid off everyone in their game division. I was hoping to get an internship there but who knows if that’ll work. My perspective in today’s industry is that it seems very risky, maybe too fast pace, too corporate, and a little unappealing looking at the little use of original ideas coming from the game industry at E3. I’m sure it’s great for those who can deal with the madness, but if I were to enter it today I feel I would have a hard time adapting. Nonetheless, If I could influence games today I think I would want to look at new ideas, new ways of storytelling (not just the heroes adventure story style), new technology (VR), and more risky and original ideas. I think experimentation is healthy risk and will lead to new innovations. Moreover, I want to say I have a big desire to create things that are new and original. It would be a dream to have a job that allows me to use my creativity regularly. Nevertheless despite the game industry, having a bachelors is a minimal requirement for jobs in another countries so I figure I should still get that despite owing 30k in student loans. The ultimate goal for me is to make more than 30k a year in salary (30k being the poverty line in the US). Nevertheless, my future is uncertain. If it was up to me and my imagination, I would like to work in a western-style game company in Japan. Although Japan is a more strict and disciplined society, I feel the culture there is something I can relate to (even if foreigners are sometimes seen as something negative because of their lack of manners, politeness, and etiquette). Another large desire I have is if I had enough funding, I would like to make my own game company in the US or Brazil with its own unique vision, culture, or process of development (perhaps a process similarly utilized at NASA; a management system that is a combination of SCRUM and Ganban for those who understand management styles). Overall, it’s perhaps wishful thinking. 

If someone were to ask me what are my dreams? I would respond with having the ability to travel whenever I want for as long as I want; perhaps making my own company with it’s own unique projects that doesn’t have to rely on shareholders; and I also have a weird thought to design my own town like in City Skylines with its own unique culture, architecture, and infrastructure (I don’t know why, I can be weird sometimes). 

Being an introvert I have many hobbies. A comprehensive list of hobbies I like to do is: write and blog (I love writing short stories when I have the time); watch Netflix, documentaries, Youtube, or Twitch; cooking and baking; play VRChat and Pavlov; sometimes play retro games like my N64, PS2, xbox360, or PS4 (PC master race is my console of choice); do personal research out of sheer curiosity; read nonfiction or textbook material; layback, do nothing, and daydream; nap; chat with friends; I enjoy but rarely watch anime or read manga or comics; do 3D, digital, or graphic design art; make small games; and make content for my Youtube or Twitter. Some irregular hobbies I do is plant fruits and vegetables in a home garden (I check the weather and water them every morning). Coming from a religious culture, I go to church with parents even though I’m not at all religious (I respect the religion and find it peaceful). I’m also a historic research junky; my favorite civilization to research are the Sumerians. If I could become an archeologist, I would love to do more personal research on this culture. I enjoy almost every genre of music, my most preferred music is hardbass, trap, lofi, and not-so-often rock (Nu rock, alternative, classical, hardcore, and some Visual Kei). 

Moving on to more intimate and sensitive topics, I’m often very open about sensitive topics and what I believe in. There is very little things I won’t talk about (American politics is something I don’t talk about; I don’t like politics). Therefore, it doesn’t bother me getting into more suggestive or steamy topics like romance and romantic preferences. For the most part, I’m a straight person that enjoys things that are romantic. For those who are familiar with the term, I’m more of a hetero A-sexual person. I respect everyone’s preferences. I say “for the most part” because if you notice in VRChat, I enjoy hugging, head patting, leg clinging, head rubbing, cudding, and other more cute or intimate interactions with other players regardless whatever gender they may be. I guess things I can get away with in a virtual world that would not otherwise be doable irl. In all honesty in irl I’m more reserved about my romantic opinions because it’s not much a topic that’s often discussed. Although I have many female friends, I mostly stay as friends; even if there is a level of intimacy (I do give massages to my friends, cuddle, and have casual sleepovers). More importantly I have my own more innocent and personalized philosophy on the subject of relationships. It’s a different philosophy than the average western view. Perhaps controversially it involves saving myself for that special someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. You’d have to talk to me more about this topic in person; some people find it interesting some people think it’s weird. I enjoy being close and intimate friends as I continue my search for the person I want to share the rest of my life with. I have this weird idea that if I’m friends with everyone and know how a person is authentically, I can fall in love with the person that’s authentic and dedicate my life or make sacrifices to make that person happy. I feel that having a romantic partner to me is a great commitment, because I don’t want to hurt others or give them this impression that all guys are the same. Moreover, this is just a rough explanation. It could be a fragile topic but it’s a topic I would be willing to eventually open up to in a comfortable setting. Also perhaps controversially, I should say that if I don’t find the person I feel I want to share the rest of my life with, I will still be happy and continue to make others happy. I’ll instead focus on my career, hobbies, and life (probably the reason I’m thirty and unmarried). I believe having others in one’s life or finding others to share my life with is an extension to my happiness and hopefully the happiness of others. Briefly and on the more steamy side, because I’ve been asked this many times, I accept and sometime enjoy things that are lewd. However, I prefer more innocent narratives when it comes to these kinds of things. It’s part of my own personal philosophy. Nevertheless, I accept and respect these things. I also respect what others are into. This topic does not bother me at all. I’m a very open person when it comes to these things. Overall, I guess what I want out of life is to be happy. I would love to help others be happy and find someone who can contribute to my own happiness.

I want to say I share more of a Confucian view of life. I accept everyone as they are despite their imperfection and insecurities. I want to treat everyone with respect, politeness, and ultimately treating others as I would treat myself. I also want to be open to any pleasant and friendly friendships. This goes also with my philosophical view of life and ethics. Nevertheless, I’m always open to making new friends and meeting new people. If you are a close friend to me, you will make a friend for life. I’m the person who will support, listen, and tell you the truth in the most polite way possible. 

Being human, I do have a lot of insecurities. My greatest insecurity is my brain because it behaves weird sometimes. I have a short memory, I sometimes forget words, I can’t come up with any comebacks or good responses, and in rare occasions I say the wrong things or things inaccurately. Sometimes I feel I have a weird, bad, or perhaps “broken” brain. It’s most apparent when I’m tired but sometimes it happens for no reason. I’m not sure why and I’m not afraid to admit it. Sometimes trust can be seen as an insecurity because I have a hard time opening to certain people. For people who treat me with a sense of openness, allow me to be myself, and hear the things I have to say, I feel more open and expressive with them. Sometimes it could take me time to open up to people. I prefer to feel comfortable and to have a certain free atmosphere where I can feel I can be myself; otherwise I like to do my own thing or be silent until someone interacts with me. There are also times I feel like I need to get away because I feel socially drained. Also, even though it’s not an insecurity, people say I’m more like a monk because I rarely get angry. I would like to believe I’m a naturally calm, rational, and collected person. I do get annoyed, but I never show it to others; also part of always being polite even if you are a train wreck of emotions. In certain situations (like shopping and dining) I like doing things in groups, I enjoy being part of a collective. Another insecurity I have is my age. I was born on August 26, 1988. I’m embarrassed about my age, even irl. I would rather stay quiet or just say I’m around my thirties because I think if people knew my age it would make me feel weird, uncomfortable, or feel isolated. To me it feels like it creates a mental barrier with others even though I look like I’m around my twenties or perhaps in my teens. Therefore, age is a sensitive topic for me.

Here’s also a list random generic thing about me:

Favorite colors: red, black, and white; white and gold; or black and gold.

My favorite style of humor is British and Japanese style humor.

On the Myers–Briggs personality test, I’m an NTSJ which is supposedly more of a rare personality.

My zodiac sign is Virgo or the dragon.

Favorite anime are: Deathnote, Ghost in Shell, Cowboy Beebop, El Hazard, FLCL, Samurai Champloo, Desert Punk, RWBY season 1-2.

Favorite shows: Game of Thrones, first and second season of the walking dead, Fresh Prince of Bellaire, Mr. Bean, Top Gear (British), Red Dwarf, Star Trek, Star Gate…ect

Favorite games of all time: VRChat, Metal Gear Solid 3 and 4, Pokemon red version, Minecraft, Conkers Bad Fur Day 64, Legend of Zelda 64, .hack//GU, Cod4, Cod MW2, Halo2 and 3, Age of Empires 2 and 3, GTA series, Half-life2, Quake, Elder scrolls series, Way of the Samurai 2 and 3, Final fantasy 7 and X, Smash Bros 64 and Mele, Persona4, Need for speed series, Tenchu Z, Dead or Alive 4 and 5, Tony Hawk series, Time Splitters 2, Killzone, Golden Eye 64, Nier: Automata, Ace Combat 6, Fortza 4… ect.

Favorite bands: Breaking Benjamin, Linkin Park, Dir en Grey, Chivelle, Uamee, Gorillas, Story of the year, System of a down, As I Lay Dying, As Blood Runs Black, August Burns Red, Drop Dead Gorgeous, AC/DC, Limp Bizkit, Good Charlotte, The Machine Gun Elephant, SCREW, Sadie, Gazette, Gakki band, Perfume, Joe Hisaishi, Craig Armstrong…etc

Favorite sound tracks: Oblivion, Skyrim, Nier Automata, Spirited Away, and Downton Abbey.

Favorite movies: Rerouni Kenshin (live action movies), Lucy, The Matrix, Star Wars (classic), John Wick, Pursuit of Happiness, Cast away (Perhaps anything with Tom Hank, Tom Cruise, and Will Smith in it), 13 Assasins, and Yojimbo series…ect (I can also go all day with this.)

Favorite author: Stephen Kings

Favorite artists: Hiroaki Samura, Hajime Ueda, Ken Akamatsu, Shigeo Fukud, and any artist during the 1500 -1800s who worked on Baroque art in Europe.

Favorite super hero: Deadpool (I love Gerry Duggan and Brian Posehn’s humor)

Favorite foods: Crème bule, barbeque pizza, banana-tapioca pudding, French pastries, kettle-corn popcorn, strawberry short cake, Vietnamese style Pho soup with tripe, Brazilian pastels and cochinha, Chinese sweet and sour duck, Australian bloomin onion, growned beef stuffed bell peppers, Texan Buc-ees beef jerky, churros,  bacon and barbeque hamburger, barbeque rib sandwich, fresh Mcdonalds french fries, Starbucks Caramel Frappuccino, Swedish fish, Skittles (smoothie mix and sour skittles were the best), Brazilian Babaloo chewing gum, rice crispy treats, authentic Japanese gourmet sushi, butter fingers, cherry flavored twizzlers, nature valley granola bars, ice cream sandwiches, Ranch Doritos, onion rings, Brazilian Fandangos chips, subway sandwiches (everything on top except jalapinos on flat bread), foot long chili dogs, Brazilian salami baguettes, Brazilian Sonho pastry, steamed polish sausage, Brazilian churrasco, Brazilian hotdog (extra corn and mayonnaise), salted and seasoned nori, seasoned rice crackers, taiyaki, Korean fish egg salad, green melon mochi, boba tea, Filipino ginataan, sauteed chicken hearts, crab meat, Chinese crisp honey sesame chicken, crispy KFC chicken, buttered and seasoned liver with onions, sugar coated rasberries, Snickers, white chocolate coated pretzels, sour crème pringles, roasted vegetable Ritz crackers, moist tres letes cake, frosted animal cookies, glazed or blueberry donuts, chocolate and crème ice cream cookies, Japanese ramune soda candy, chex mix, salted or honey roasted cashews, black and Greek-style olives, sugar coated chewy fruit, Japanese-style crepes, Mococa’s mococinha leite de chocolate, and my beloved bolo de milho with hardened chocolate glaze, and good ol-traditional Brazilian rice and beans with carne moida with farofa de milho with chunks of bacon on top …ect (I can go all day)

Favorite drinks: Chilled vodka, whiskey on ice, white zinfandel wine, cider sparkling nonalcoholic champagne, ramune, Guarana 51 (local do Jau), Dr Pepper, Mountain Dew, Sprite, cream soda and root beer. I should add that when it comes to alcohol, I like fruity-flavor drinks.

Body type: athletic, slim, and a sad 5’9”. I’ve weighed 170-175 for most of my life because I have a very high metabolism. Probably because I cook for myself.

I can use both hands to write and draw.

My favorite car is the Lamborghini Hurican (That design. umf :F)

Favorite cartoons: Old-school Tom and Jerry, Animaniacs, Jonny Bravo, Peter Pan, Emperor’s New Groove, Eight Crazy Nights, Amazing world of Gumball, Adventure time, Star vs the Forces of Evil, and anything by cartoon hangover (I wanted to be an animator once so I enjoy well done animations).

Favorite place to visit: Brotas, Brazil.

Favorite clothing store and style: EXPRESS.

Favorite streamer: Vigors, Jameskii, Lolathon, Shiba King, HeyImBee, Nyannersz, Naddition, and Kromia.  

I guess that wraps up things to know about myself. Now I figured I would get into my digital persona I somewhat roleplay as within VRChat. 

For the most part I play as a heavily modified Miko Ouka (or Ooka). It’s an avatar by Kitsune-tsuki who is a very talented 3D character modeler that I am a great fan of.  I have a love of her work and her avatars; and although she might not be aware, I believe her adorable Miko mmd character has become immensely ingrained in VRChat’s avatar creation culture. Before I became a Miko I was a grunt from the game Amnesia, the dark decent. It was one of the avatars I had to troll other players with back when I first player VRChat in October 2017. I made youtube videos scaring other players on a dark prison world where other players would join for a somewhat terrifying experience. Today I use two main avatars. I use my modified male Miko Ouka avatar and an mmd avatar called Miyuki by Tda/Jiyurun uploaded by Conconcocoa/Filn_san. Although I have the avatar in decimated form, I would love to obtain Miyuki in its original form (trust me it’s impossible; I’ve looked and asked). Nevertheless, the joy these two avatars gave me has been unmeasurable. I look forward to keep playing with these two and the rest of the avatars I have in my collection and favorites.

Now about my tiny three feet tall Miko avatar named Ivan Kazuya. I chose Ivan Kazuya because at school I hung out with a group of Russian and Polish students and they call me Ivan. I chose Kazuya because it sounded close to Tetsuya; also known as Tetsuya Nomura, a famous artist and game designer at Square Enix who has been a great inspiration to me. Kazuya in Japanese means harmony. Harmony can be the water that takes on a flow and direction as it makes its journey to the ocean providing life to the plants and animals in its gentle or powerful path. I like to think this small Miko is a combination of interesting original ideas. The red, white, and black checkered flannel found on this version of Miko Ouka’s design. The combination of my favorite weapons found in games; the Tar21 Tavor assault rifle, the M60 machine gun, the M24 sniper rifle, and the twin Musashi-style katanas. This little guy is loaded with weapons and shared my same enthusiasm for real life weapons. As a Miko, Ivan has many sisters ( and not-so-often brothers) with other people using the very popular Miko avatars. Sometimes I feel like there’s a connection when using this avatar around other Miko avatars. Moreover, despite Ivans absurd hair decorations and heavy arsenal of weaponry, he’s often a polite, nice, energetic, or playful character. It’s everything I want to be irl but executed with a digital avatar. Ivan has been adopted by PikawolfVR and at some point Nira. He’s also part of Awoo-Force, Fox Academy, Loli Police, and VRCompanions groups or families in which he holds dear to his heart. I’m also an often participant in VRChat’s developer group meetups and I used to use this avatar a lot, but because he’s unoptimized and resource heavy, I use Miyuki instead. If I had to define a narrative for Ivan, it would be that he is just a cute Miko mercenary. Aside from that, there really isn’t a narrative around this character. So his existence is just to protect other Mikos and fox people and have a good time. He also likes hardbass, sweets, being in high places, has a religious love of headpats, and enjoys sleeping (going AFK) with friends and VR celebs. He also enjoys stacking things, drawing, and doing dumb things. His worst habit is taking pictures, especially when other players are AFK. 

To wrap it up, if you enjoyed reading this or have questions, feel free to message me or add me as a friend in VRChat. I welcome you to visit me anytime. I will be happy to you every time, even if you’re in a savage, salty, or edgy mood. I don’t mind making friends as long as you’re polite and a nice to be around. If you send me invites, I’ll often join. If I don’t join it means I’m busy or occupied. In such cases, I’ll usually visit you later. If you ever want my Discord, let me know in VRChat. lol Awoo~.