Relationships and Sexuality

In this  blog post I will discuss relationships and sexuality. I will address relationships first then include sexuality at the end. 

Before I dig into the colossal topic of relationship, I will discuss my perspective of the manifest functions of relationships. Foremost, throughout this topic, I will be referring the instance of relationship regarding to the love of another. I’ll begin by analyzing my perspective of the manifest (obvious) functions of a relationship.

1. Companionship. Many enter a relationship to be with someone related to personal desire found in another individual.
2. Emotional fulfillment. To seek emotional fulfilment in being with another or to fulfil a personal condition.Care. It’s possible to be in a relationship to care for a person or to care for each other because of disability.
3. Possible gain. This could be referring to possible exploitation or gain, such as sexual fulfillment, or financial gain.
4. Family relations. In some parts of the world relationship partners are chosen by family.

Now that the manifest function is out of the way, l will further examine and state my perspective regarding relationships. I will first start with my own personal experience with relationships.

I was about thirteen when I first entered a relationship. It was with a girl name Gisele. I lived in Brasil at the time and I would describe it as very innocent. I first met Gisele after falling in love with her watching a spice girls performance she did on stage with a group of friends at school. Being that I was very shy, I turned to my friends I shared class with to want to know more about her. Eventually, one of my friends got her attention and brought her to me. Very shy and barely able to speak, I introduced myself and we became friends. Because I was heavily shielded by my mother outside of school life, I kept our friendship by hanging out with her and getting to know her during lunch. After the school year ended, she gave me a kiss on the cheek with gave my first full hearted feeling of being in love. It was the purest experience of love I had ever felt. Sadly the relationship ended after I became home-schooled do to financial instability and later returned to the United States.

My next encounter with love was in high school when I had a crush on a girl named Ashley, after I had followed her in the attempt to be her friend and telling her how I felt, I had discovered her involvement in inappropriate activities regard two men in a single night. I became heart broken and moved on from that experience.

Now that I have establish my own personal history with relationships, I shall discuss what I have learned, observed, explored, and confronted regarding relationships. This is my perspective on the ethics of relationships.

Before I began learning about relationships, I thought relationships and love was a mushy, unimportant, meaningless feeling or a feeling only females shared. I thought love was a topic made up so that others would have an excuse for their inappropriate actions. I was rather immature at the time; however, since then I learned there is so much more one can learn from a relationship.

In life, I believe everyone is their own character on a stage or on the pages of a book. When one interacts with another, it’s as if one is entering on stage and becoming part of a script or being introduces in the pages of another’s book. One is essentially taking on a role in another’s life. The significance or importance of that role varies. Of course the possible reason for entering another’s story or script is because of a desire, or “the desire to be.” As Shakespeare would say.

Moving on to my belief on ethics in a relationship, I believe one should love themselves before seeking a relationship with another. They should understand themselves and why they seek a relationship. There should be more than the phrase, “Because I love them”. Often this is the response to an immature view and the longing for love but not knowing why or how it works. In addition, I think it’s best to have something in common or an interest; therefore, establishing a base to build upon a relationship. Another good idea is to understand what it is the other individual finds in oneself. Surely everyone has a motive in a relationship. By understanding each other in a relationship, one can understand the motives of another and avoid getting hurt in advance. It’s important to understand that rarely there’s a case for love at first sight. In an early relationship at an early age, it’s common for males to normally enter a relationship for pleasure or status. Also at an early age females enter for emotional satisfaction or status. At an ealy age in a relationship, I believe it’s crucial to understand that by stating ones position of liking or having feelings for another, one is being honest, however doing runs the risk and vulnerability of exposing one’s emotions. This could either lead to satisfaction or regret; therefore should be done with extreme caution. Nonetheless, not too often do relationships in an early age last. Often they end in drama, dramatic and life changing results. For example, once rejected one could have the inability to trust another, not desiring future relationships or once having a taste for lust, crave more. However, when in a loving relationship, one will most likely experience changes in one’s personality and changes in the way they see the opposite gender. If I may very quickly add, the use of different chemicals and use of hormones to the brain from the result of stimuli related to the opposite gender, may also result in a person acting irrationally, clumsy or not their usual selves. Thus is in its true statement that love is essentially like a drug by producing the chemicals necessary to seek a mate.

I believe there are many ethics to be utilized in a relationship. To start, I believe both males and females should respect each other equally. Males are not the same as females and females are not the same as males. For example, males see things from a black and white procedural perspective; females see thing from a grey multi analytical and emotional perspective. Understanding the differences will provide insight to the inner thoughts and the differences between a gender’s perspective. Moving on, it’s proper for a male to clean, act more mature, well mannered, be well groomed, and dress decently when seeking the attention of a female.  Females love men that can take care of themselves. If I may add more detail, I have found that some races have preferences. I have found that Latina woman prefer, or don’t mind, manly looking hairy guys; Asian woman prefer well groomed and hairless men. I perceive this to be because cultural traits. Understanding the differences in another will help with one’s own relationship or search of relationship.

Sometimes when one enters a relationship, they find dissatisfaction which results to negative behavior, conflict, and eventually to separation. It’s essential to learn to cooperate, communicate effectively, address mistakes, and seek forgiveness; otherwise the results will lead to more dissatisfaction. For females, I believe it’s important to understand that males do not think on behalf of emotions. Emotional responses may get one’s point across; however, will most likely lead to more confrontation with the male gender. In addition, the biggest issue or push for conflict for the male gender is the excessive use of complaining and instigation. Another thing to keep in mind for males is that females get jealous very easily, it’s best to have caution when around others and avoid unnecessary drama. Furthermore, I believe if there is conflict or confrontation, it should lead to progress, solution, forgiveness and understanding. It's my opinion the base of all conflicts is because of misunderstanding. In times of conflict I think it’s a good suggestion to utilize personal space to clear one’s mind and reflect on mistakes. Understanding one’s mistakes can help them from repeating their mistakes again. Furthermore, I’m a firm believer that time heals most wounds. I think it’s essential to remember that part of a relationship is in consideration to how you treat, act and cooperate with others. Relationship is never one sided. In the event of separation, one shouldn’t fear letting go. There are more individuals that have the ability to make one happy. I believe finding another individuals to be in a relationship with is a matter of compatibility and not of destiny. Moreover, for those in a relationship, it’s right for one to respect another if they already have a partner. I believe it’s great to keep a friendship; however, one should do so in consideration to the other’s partner to avoid unnecessary conflict. Furthermore, by understanding how one’s actions may lead to a partner’s reaction or response in your own relationship, one can prevent conflict or unnecessary drama. This leads me to my next section, honesty.

I have taken the time to write about honesty, because there’s a lot that goes into being honest in a relationship. I strongly believe that honesty is the most important golden rule in a relationship. I believe one should always be honest with oneself and with another when in a relationship. One should be honest when entering a relationship and when undergoing a relationship. The results will always be a relationship in which is true, functional and rewarding. Being honest can be painful, however, it will always benefit oneself in the end. Part of being honest is staying true to oneself. If you disagree with something, state your disagreement and why using a rational answer. It’s a good idea to remember part of being in a relationship is finding fulfillment and functionality with each other. It seems obvious that both members in a relationship should make each other happy. A strong suggestion is one should never let another make one’s decision, think for oneself, walk all over oneself, or force one to do things they oppose. It a good idea that one should still obtain a certain level of personal space or freedom and perhaps a list of goals or desires one wants to achieve in life. One should work with one’s partner in understanding their preferences.  It’s also important to keep in mind the feelings of another person, I do believe it’s wrong to act in an immature manner in most cases. Part of being mature is letting your partner know, and not guess, what and why one feels the way they do. By finding understanding one can find a solution. Furthermore, I believe a great partner in a loving relationship will encourage and help to achieve another’s desires.

Now that honesty is out of the way, I would like to address obsession. There are many females that can become obsessed very easily to things they find attractive. The reason for this is because in females the same part of the brain that responds for attraction also is shared with the same responses for obsession. This is the reason why a female can easily find obsession with a male partner. Controversially, I found if one is obsessed, and one does not share the same feeling with the obsessed individual, there are no other ways to politely address one’s need for personal space. Unfortunately, this only leaves with the sole method to demand them to leave one alone in the most direct way possible, even if it’s not within one’s personality to state such a demand. The reason for this is if one is polite or allows the obsessed individual to gain personal space, this would indicate a motive in which they believe they have a chance of gaining one’s affection. Once an obsessed individual has gained personal space, the only way to get them to leave is with direct confrontation which leads to emotional devastation. It’s wise to understand one cannot satisfy every person. One should respect that others enter a relationship to not feel alone. Nevertheless, one should never be forced to like another. One has the right to find happiness; especially in a person which they feel they can be happy with.

Now that I have given various suggestion and ideas of what I believe are the ethics of a relationship, I will state my analysis on how to find the right person.

1. Understand yourself. Understand what your preferences, personality types, and what it is you want to find in another person. I highly advise making a list and writing down everything you would like to find in a dream partner.
2. Understand the differences between a male and female. By doing this, one can avoid future conflicts.
3. The adventure to finding another person. This can be simple and can be hard. One perhaps already has someone in mind, can physically look for a partner, or make use of a dating site. Another good idea would be to go where you believe you can find someone that caters towards your liking. When you find someone it's important to be yourself, polite, and tell them how you truly feel. In addition the best way to approach a person you like is through a friend, collogue, or acquaintance.
4. The importance of being honest and being yourself. I believe it’s important to state your intentions and to be as honest as possible so that the other individual sees you for who you really are. If one has defects, one can always improve. I think a good book to help improve oneself is the art of seduction. Confidence is ones most valuable asset.
5. What to look for in a person. It’s a good idea to have some sort of a foundation. Such as similarities, like similar interests or similar goals.  Another good idea is utilizing zodiac signs, even if one does not believe in them.
6. Utilizing ethics. It’s essential to use good and effective communication, finding solutions, having self-discipline to ignore what’s negative, having understanding, and be willing to forgive.  It’s also important to be a gentleman. Be kind, collective, cheerful, understanding, and compassionate. It’s best to avoid being creepy; if one is being creepy, it’s best to apologize. I believe being in a relationship is part brain reading. One should learn to understand the patterns of behavior in another so that mistakes can be avoided and instead result in satisfaction.
7. No means no, yes means yes. Rejection is always going to be one’s greatest fear. I think part of love is accepting rejection. If one is understanding, one can learn from rejections. For me, I think there should be a three tries rule. If one is rejected three times, then it’s a good idea to move on.
8. Approach methodology. I have thought up various methods on how to get the attention of a person. Weather they work or not is questionable. My first method is to befriend the other individual and get to know them. This allows the opportunity for you to get to know them or try to get their attention to see who you are or gain interest to like you. The second method is pushing yourself onto someone. I consider this the bar man’s approach. This is where an individual approaches another individual and tries to sweep them off their feet.  This would most likely lead to a temporary relationship, however. In this case the art of seduction is a very insightful read. From the bar man’s approach one can further get to know the individual. The next approach utilizes a Romeo and Juliet-like method in which one tries to get the attention of another by using romance. For example, the use of letters, gifts or playing guitar for her. I found the use of gifts to be a good idea to see if anything sparks or not. If nothing sparks at least it was a nice thing to do. Nevertheless, regarding to this previous method, often this is seen as adorable. The following methods are what I have thought up that could be useful. The worst thing that can happen is a situation which could end in rejection or worst, a restraining order. Furthermore, it's important to be creative and cunning. 

Now that I have addressed how to find the right person, I will talk about more of my personal perspective regarding relationships.

I believe one should take a long time in a relationship to get to know what their partner is like. The reason for this is because I don’t believe in divorce and if I enter a relationship, I want to do so with the intention to someday marry them. I’m sure many in the world see it differently where they rather find someone of interest and date them to get to know them; however, in most cases it’s obvious someone ends up getting hurt. To me, it almost feels like a dating game of compatibility. Nevertheless, regarding this belief I use to believe that by having many female friends that I could have the opportunity to choose a person I found the most interest in; however, I learned that this never works. Although I feel I have experienced a lot, I perhaps have relatively no experience being in a relationship; nevertheless, I have found much comfort being by myself and with the company of friends. I often question if I desire a relationship with another when I’m satisfied being by myself. Unlike most people, I find much comfort in my solidarity and ability to strive to achieve the goals I have created for life. If such an occasion were to become reality, where I would find someone of interest and similarities, I would definitely desire to share my life and seek companionship until I reach the end of my time spent on earth.

Now that I have addressed relationships, I shall address sexuality.

I would like to state a caution or digression for those who are under the age of 18, those who I know, and those who are family. The material I will address below is sensitive, personal, possibly controversial and contains sexual material; some of which is about myself. Therefore, I advise those of you I mentioned to not proceed or to read at your own risk.

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Sexuality is a very difficult, private and possibly taboo topic to discuss. Nevertheless, being that I’m a person that spares no discussion, I will discuss my views and the functionality of sexuality.

Living in the western world, sexuality is privately paired with relationship. Sexuality seem as a latent function of a relationship which is meant to please those in a relationship. Sexuality can be risky without protection. It’s obvious that it’s highly advisable to use protection rather than to run the risk to bring a new life into the world unintentionally. Although I admit I’m still a virgin, I personally respect the possibility that one has potential to bringing life into the world, because of this I have changed my views about pleasure and human procreation.

It seems to some, sexuality can be taboo. Often this is the case with religious individuals. I believe it should be a respected choice if one should allow the act of sexual intercourse. If one is young, they should understand the magnitude and consequences of their sexual actions. It should definitely be advisable to wait until one has fully matured rather than foolishly risking bringing unintentional life into the world. Furthermore, my personal, and somewhat controversial, opinion that I think would be a good idea would be instead of matting through the use of sexual reproductive organs, I believe it should be more justifiable with the use of oral, touch or the use of toys because of the possibility of unintentionally bringing life into the world. It’s my profound belief that all human life should be respected.

I believe it’s ethical to respect one decisions regarding one’s sexual intention. I believe everyone should be free to making choices regarding the extent of their sexuality.  I believe the instigation of waiting until marriage is also a great idea. In addition to waiting until marrage, if one were to offer pleasure they should use methods to sexual actions that do not include the use of sexual reproductive organs. Also by waiting until marriage, one can keep sexual intimacy in a relationship fresh, heartwarming and special. I’m sure if one has been with multiple partners that the feeling of intimacy might change. There’s a good possibility that a person who has engaged in multiple partners might wish for their sexual experience to be special once more or like the first time they had shared intimacy with an individual that they love.

Moving on, I would like to state that I have no contempt between individuals interested in the same sex. Individuals interested in the same sex can be found throughout history. I think it’s best to respect the interests of another whether it be with the same gender or even if one is interested acting with a group. One’s life should find value in the choices they make. However, I believe the glorification of homosexuality should never be glorified or promoted, instead it should be made in respect to the discovered interest of an individual. I believe by glorifying and promoting such a preference, those of a younger age could become sexually disoriented or resent a change they shouldn't have made regarding their own sexuality. It seem obvious that every individual at a young age eventually discovers their sexuality. It would be unjustifiable to participate in a behavior or action they might regret later on in life.

I now would like to share my discomforts if I were to engage in sexual activity. If possible, I rather avoid any sexual behavior and keep to myself. Nevertheless, if engaged in sexual activity I personally would find it discomforting participating in a sexual action that would require use of oral action. The reason for this is because of the grotesque idea of where or what one does with that which one desires pleasure from. Even the idea of French kissing seems to be discomforting. I’m sure to some, this can be seen as obscene and perhaps controversial. Nevertheless, I personally feel the trial of using oral action should wait until marriage. Furthermore, if such sexual actions were to arise, I believe it would be a pleasurable idea of the use of fingers or toys only. However, despite of everything I have previously stated regarding sexuality, I do not see myself as a sexual person and would rather keep all sexual actions private and to myself until I can share my first experience with a person that I love. “Because what’s the point of having sex if you can’t experience it with the person you love”.

Just for entertainment purposes, I will finish by sharing a list of what I would like to see in my own soul mate. Bear in mind this is a picky and very personal list; however, it relates more for my own self interests than of real relevance. In addition the process of making this list has taken me roughly five months. Whenever possible, I encourage others to also make a list of what they desire in an individual of their desire.

Clingy
Intelligent
Somewhat philosophic
Cute/adorable and humbling personality
A problem solver
Heartfelt
Loves fashion  (various styles, maybe even cosplay)
Innocent
Affectionate
Compassionate
Has a sense of humor (maybe even a sarcastic or dark sense of humor)
Someone who can act like a guy sometimes and is open to say what they want. By that I mean someone I can play games with or have a beer with.
Since I’m sometimes a introvert (a person who likes to keep to himself), I would like a girl that visits me and bothers me from time to time. An example: I like a girl that comes over just to read and doesn't really need attention, someone who simply enjoys my presence.
Someone who doesn't take things personal and always understands and over looks another's faults. Maybe understands when she's being emotional and holds back from saying things she doesn't mean.
Someone who knows how to make humor out of a too emotional or too serious situation.
A bit of a rebel.
Maybe a person with a high metabolism. I find short and skinny very adorable.
Someone who loves to make funny facial or body guesters.
Maybe someone who acts sometimes immature, but is very logical, loving, humorous, wise, rational, and understanding.
Loves to travel, try different things, maybe adventurous, maybe a bit of a dare devil, or maybe someone who forces me to do different things and gets me out of my comfort zone.
Someone who is comfortable with themselves and has the same philosophy as me, which is to be happy in life.
Someone who is not too demanding or complains too much.
Someone who says sorry or apologizes if she takes things too far.
Someone who corrects me if I’m wrong or understands the ideas I’m trying to make instead of how I’m trying to explain something.
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE RANDOM HUG ATTACKS! I think the idea of always getting unintentionally smothers with hugs is very heartwarming, even if I feel like I need personal space.
Maybe someone with the same interests as me, like playing videogames, reading comics, watches anime or reads manga, or maybe loved to read books or watch movies.
Someone who I can cook with.
Someone calm, pacifist, or sometimes emotionally reserved to keep the harmony in a situation.
Someone who I can look at me as a rival and try to compete and do things better than me.
Maybe someone in a compatible zodiac or Chinese zodiac sign. My birthday is 08/26/1988, which makes me a Virgo and a dragon.
Someone who I find cute when they're angry.
Maybe shy sometimes or quiet when she's angry or depressed. Someone who will express how they feel with a sense of professionalism and in a way where they address their anger in a calm and civilized manner but instead uses powerful words.
Someone who is polite and considerate (optional).
Someone I can be open with and can talk about anything.
She doesn't need to be very sexual (this isn't really important to me).
Being an artist I love the female form. If I were to find someone, her body doesn't need to be perfect. Nevertheless, I like a female that takes care of her body.
Someone who is comfortable with her own body and isn't too conservative about showing it with people she's comfortable with. An example would be like a girl that goes to bed in her underwear and regular t-shirt but her shirt is always loosely uncovered and doesn't care how revealing she is. Controversially, I find this extremely adorable.
If things were to become sexual, I would rather have her pull the first move, I don't want to feel like I'm taking advantage of her in any way.
Someone who is sees politics almost the same way I do and doesn't have allegiance to a political party. They look at both sides and lean towards the political party that is most rational and truthful.
Maybe someone good with numbers or very analytical.
Someone who understand how guys think.
Someone who looks past previous relationship problems (if they have any) and overlooks the negative emotional events or baggage (or "I don't want to be hurt again" sort of thing). A person is understanding and learns from their past mistakes.
Maybe an artist or someone very talented.
Someone who I can play nondestructive pranks on, and she'll pull pranks on me.
Someone who cherishes the silent moments.
Someone who lives to laugh.
Someone who overlooks drama and shrugs it off. A persona who understand personal space and how life is too short for drama.
Someone who is very self conscient, considerate, and can get good control of their emotions when they realize they're acting irrationally.
Someone who knows when to act and behave (for example, childish at times and mature when needs to be.)
Someone who looks at a relationship mutually and doesn't brag or push their role as a female. Not very feminist.
Someone who likes various genres of music; especially Jrock or Kpop.
Someone who will want to work with me to accomplish my goals and help make me happy in life. I will also return the favor and help them achieve their goals and to make them happy.
Someone I can call a companion, buddy, or friend for life.
I have my own idea of attraction. Physical appearance is wonderful, but to me it's her attitude and personality that attracts me.

In conclusion, I think this list is too picky when it comes to trying to understand what I want. I understand it’s not too realistic and if I find someone most likely they will not have every single one of these traits. In the end, I think I would like to find someone like me. Nevertheless, I know I’m capable of having a relationship with any rational minded person; however, I would absolutely love to have someone of my relative interests. If I don't find anyone, I'm simply happy to live life as I am.

Now I will share my thoughts on what I believe is the easiest way to win my heart. The easiest way I think to get into my heart is to create unique heartfelt moments. For example, randomly crawling into bed with me (nonsexual of course); if I’m ever in a blanket walking around the house, climb into the blanket with me; if I’m doing homework or working alone, just go into the same room I’m in and share my company even if we don’t exchange words; do things like give and receive messages; if I’m laying down, lay down beside me; if I’m playing videogames, come and join me (I’ll be happy to share the controller). Furthermore, it’s not about the action, it’s about the heartwarming, cute, and adorable feeling behind it. If a person does these things, it’s also in my nature to return the favor, perhaps in some form of kindness. In addition, I believe that perhaps depending if I have a physical attraction to a person, it could be easier to work their way into my heart. I guess I’m like a shell. The more you chip away at it, the more likely it is to crack.

The following topics are even more heated; further caution is advised.

Not too often I come up with sexual fantasy scenarios. Being a guy with an exaggerated imagination, I feel it’s within my nature to come up with such scenarios even though I do my best to restrict my thoughts from going too far or becoming too arousing. Being that I feel very open about discussing such sexual fantasies, I will share my thoughts openly. I thought of the scenario of what if a person of the opposite gender were to be open, close, or comfortable to show me their body. I personal feel as if I would be honored and humbled that a person would give me such privileges. I do feel there is a need for self-discipline and respect from allowing myself to have strong sexual urges or engaging in irrational behavior. Nevertheless, I would look at one’s willingness to show their body with an admiration, appreciation and with an appropriate sense of respect. If I may take it a step further, I have always had the thought that what if a person were to feel so close, open or comfortable with me to even engage in self-pleasuring practices. Knowing how I will more than likely refuse to engage in any sexual activity because of my desire to keep things innocent; my desire to save myself to be with someone I want to share my life with; and my belief that I would feel I would be taking or using another for self-gain, I feel such an event would require much further self-discipline. Although this is more than likely never to happen, I think I would also feel humbled, appreciative and show a tremendous amount of respect. I think it’s out of this respect, that I would feel the necessity to give them their own personal space for self-intimacy. If I may imagine the scenario, I would most likely give that individual a towel, pat them on the head and go about my business. Furthermore, it's best to distinguish what is fantasy and what is reality.

Because of the tendency to have the human emotion of sexual arousal and urges, I believe self-discipline is essential. However, I’m sure there are times where such emotions can be too extreme, overpowering, and even uncontrollably strong. I think in such a case it would be necessary to relieve oneself by engaging in self-pleasuring practices. I’m sure after such practice one will regain to be in their neutral frame of mind. It’s my opinion that hormones, like a drug, has properties that could lead to an individual to do things they would normally never do if they were in their right frame of mind, because of this I think such controversial self-pleasuring practice could be necessary.

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