I hypothesize that preteen-hood is the time when young adults need attention the most because of the later search for identity. I think this is the time when they should go hunting, fishing, camping, dirt bike riding, learning to fix a car, getting involved with sports and martial arts, teaching them to cook, teaching them to paint, teaching them to make a movie or take photos, and teach them any useful skill that could spark their curiosity in life. It's important to give them information of wisdom at this age (such as telling them the right from wrong; how to be intellectual and to think for oneself and to question the world (and culture); do what's right, do what's good, do what's commonsense; it helps to learn to think ahead of others; it helps to learn deducting and reasoning; and most importantly to think before doing something because everything has a consequence, and that you (the parent) are not perfect or may be completely wise but that as a parent you mean well). It is with creative strategy to get them to listen when they refuse; I personally don't think forcing them to listen will do any good because it brings resistance and may steer away from intellectuality or positive self-image. I also think it's important that you don't expect success but to have them discover success on their own terms. Another great idea is to have them set doable goals with a strategy to achieve those goals. When they transition into full teen hood, I think then is when a parent needs to start experimenting with a teenager by seeing their teen as an individual adult (not entirely as a child anymore) but not yet completely competent when it comes to responsibility. I believe this comes with their self-realization, self-conscious, or ability to want to do good not only for themselves but for others. I propose letting them be until they want to help out around the house. When they do a single choir, then thank them (don't reward them). When you need a choir to be done, politely ask them (in a sensible and sincere kind of way). It's important to know that any attitude you project to them will only decrease your status as a parent; it's best to not be at their level. I also find a balance or sensibility in humor and laughter is the best medicine for healing and lightening negative moods. As a parent I believe it's important to be rational, patient, polite, stand your ground, strong, clear, to the point, and above all maintain a status higher then theirs (like a shogun to a servant). If they do not perform say nothing. The silence will be the tool for realization. If they continue doing nothing, then leave them be. In time they will realize their error. Moving on, I believe individuals mature in their mid twenties, therefore there is still a lot of room for them to solidify an identity. I am a believer that a young adult shouldn't leave home until they are ready. Although controversial and counter culture, I believe if a young adult chooses not to leave home, then embrace their company. The more you do for them, the more guilt will drive them to do what's right. I believe family involvement is also important. One cannot live in a state of denial and isolation when family supports and interacts with them. Nevertheless, a person in isolation is a person in need of help. I believe if a person is living in isolation, one needs to do things with them. If they refuse to come out, then offer them deals (one of the best methods for a peaceful solution strategy). It's important that they go out fishing, help fix a car, help with the lawn, or build something. When in silence, let the silence be the words of healing, they will naturally start speaking. A joke may also lighten the mood. In time this will help heal their isolation mood, challenge them, and help bring them back up by rewiring their brain. Overall, this is my hypothesis on teen development.
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